Examples Of College Essays That Worked

If you would like to view all the changes I made, you can use the Track Changes feature.

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My goal of becoming a good swimmer was what kept me repeating, “Practice! After just a couple of months, I swam as well as the other team members. But in order to achieve something, persistence and commitment are essential.

By being consistent in my efforts, I know success will be likely.

You may focus only on one favorable example, but it has to be brilliant. When I started to write this essay, one question which came to my mind was "What kind of college is just the right place?

" After a few minutes of thinking, I suddenly remembered my favorite meal, sushi.

You need to check corresponding words and phrases for this high mission.

Thus, it is important to look at perfect schools/colleges applicants’ samples.My e-mail address is provided and I will respond to questions within one day. Sincerely, XXXXXXXEssay Edge Editor See this essay before the edit.Any admission officer wants to see something more than one's writing skills, high school achievements and experiences, and pure interest in the target institution.Dear Valued Customer, You have done a great job answering each part of this question in a balanced way.I like that you broadened the swimming subject to include how you responded to the demands of balancing work and school and extracurricular activities.I find it to be very effective to read each sentence out loud — it will be obvious that you are missing a word. I am impressed with how you discussed a lot in not very much space.Now I will discuss larger changes and additions you can make to improve your essay. When editing your essay, I used the “Track Changes” option offered by Microsoft Word.The best way to demonstrate your personality is a well-written story. Learners in schools/colleges do not complete admission essay to get a top evaluation mark.The biggest reward is officers’ permission to study.I would suggest adding maybe one more sentence to your concluding paragraph about how you would respond in the future. The others I have corrected directly on your essay. “Felt” is past tense, while “need” is present tense. Here and in several other spots in the essay (see edits) you are missing a “the” or “a” before your nouns.This was a similar problem you had in the previous essays and should be something that you are aware of in all of your writing.


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