This has driven me to seek out opportunities to understand the deep mechanistic nature of the body.
I wanted, and still want, to understand medicine at its most basic level, and then apply that knowledge to fixing diseases.
Now I had a desire to serve others and participate in my activities precisely to do so. Medicine, it seemed, was not the cold calculation of Holmesian deduction to fix diseases as I once believed, but the art of understanding, navigating, and mitigating human pain in whatever form-physical, emotional, psychological- via the conduit of scientific understanding.
While the science of medicine first attracted me to the field, it is the desire to practice the art of medicine that has continued to propel me towards a career as a physician.
I saw my future self as a medical Sherlock Holmes-the smartest person in the room disseminating my own cleverness from on high to solve a medical problem.
I had only a mild interest in the artful, human, side of medicine.
My understanding of medicine as an art and a science and my desire to pursue both have only grown stronger as I have become a patient myself.
Last summer, I became very ill, and spent most of my summer asleep, in the bathroom, or at the clinic, only being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at the end of July.
This intense passion to solve problems I now see is not itself inherently wrong and will indeed serve me well in medical school, but such a desire must be tempered by the heart.
When I arrived at college, my concept of the world, and with it medicine, was completely rearranged.